Where is the willpower?

I love my parents dearly, but for some reason their house is my kryptonite when it comes to dieting willpower. I lost a lot of weight when I left for college (though I had some seriously disordered eating, which is a story for another time), but I picked up the habit of late-night bingeing when I'd come home for holidays. Maybe I felt like I was on vacation? Or like I wanted to assert my independence by eating everything in the fridge? There's no easy way to psychoanalyze this, so I'll stop trying. Suffice it to say that I'm at my parents' house this weekend, it's late, I'm stressed about starting grad school on Monday and the freelance story I have to revise by then too, and I feel like raiding the fridge.

The worst part of my compulsion to eat here is that my parents are really healthy (well, my dad is lentils-and-brown-rice healthy and my mom just eats a really restricted diet because she has some stomach problems) so there's never anything gloriously fattening (and therefore, satisfying) in their fridge. Right now I have the choice of white wonder bread, leftover beans and rice, a weight watchers ice cream sandwich, grapes, raw baked potatoes, or rold gold honey wheat pretzels. Bleh. Why can't they have cold pizza or leftover chinese food stashed somewhere? Oh wait. Because my parents aren't college freshman. Hmm. Maybe being a grown up means preparing responsible square meals instead of eating junk at random times?

Week one back on the wagon.

This is a little Bridget Jones-y, but here goes:

Age: 27
Weight: 183
Alcohol units: 3
Cigarettes: 0 (woo hoo!)

This is the most I've ever weighed. At least that I know about. Sadly, I avoid the scale during my really fat phases and now I wish I had a time machine so I could both quantify and compare how gross I feel now to how gross I felt then (and maybe not eat so much in the intervening years. I wonder if time travel affected Scott Bakula's weight on Quantum Leap?) Anyhoo, this is the most I've ever weighed during a period in which I was weighing myself.

And you want to know another scary fact? My dad (who is 6'4") also weighs 183 lbs. I am eight inches shorter than he is. Gulp.

But I rejoined Weight Watchers online a few days ago, so at least I'm doing something about it. I've lost weight with the meetings before, but never had much luck online. We'll see how it goes.